First of all, I've been really sick. I'm talkin' Pepto-Bismol Country-Fried Dancin' commercial sick (click here if y'all don't know what I'm talking about). Here's a selfie (yaaaas). Bundled up, no makeup (aka no eyebrows), feeling and looking generally gross. But whatever. I'm glad it's happening now and not earlier. Two weeks ago, I was probably as close to my most stressed out state as possible and had I gotten sick then, it would have been terrible. But now, I am perfectly content sitting around being sicky.
"Blogger"
I'm ashamed to admit that I really thought I was finished with this platform. I know it came back for a bit when I was into the whole investment blogging phase, but if I had to be real with y'all (and I always am!) the blogging passion plus investment analysis marriage was one of convenience. I LOVE writing (even essays) and I was truly interested in investing in equities, too. Just not the two together. It was not fun for me. So again, my blog fell into a hiatus. Why? There were a couple of reasons: 1) I really believe no one reads this blog or watches my videos, unless I purposely send them the link (and that just feels self-promotey). And what's the point, if it's for no one but myself? and 2) I saw it as a waste of time, when I had so many pressing things to do during the semester (and even during my breaks). I was in a constant state of having not enough time. So with that resigned attitude, I let my domain name expire, I privated my YouTube channel and unpublished many of my blog entries. Finally, 3) I felt overwhelmed by how "professional" other people's blogs and vlogs and instagrams looked -- and felt that I had insufficient time and expertise to curate mine likewise.
So, I more or less forgot about / abandoned TCB. But now that I'm on winter break, I've been watching vlogs and reading other people's stuff -- and going back to re-read old blogs and it made me so nostalgic on their behalf. How cool is it to be able to look back in time and recall/re-savor the details of moments already lived and savored?
So, I guess, "I'm BACK, bitches."
And you know what else? I'm going to really invest in my social media outlet. Because I want to be a writer. What is the point of half-asking this thing (LOL, I typed something else but apparently my MacBook autocorrect thinks "half-asking" is a more appropriate term so I'm gonna leave it. Y'all can probs figure out what I was trying to say.) If I want to do it, I gotta give it a good effort. Otherwise, I'm never going to keep it up. And then I'll be sad later ... like I am now.
Scholar
So here's the deal. Business school has been TOTES different from what I expected. And I had pretty reasonable expectations going in, because I had researched the heck out of it. But I think I took a pretty nontraditional route with how I chose to use my time here.
Now, not to toot my own horn but I am a strong personality ... I'm self-motivated and I make my own decisions, do my own research, carve my own path, yada-yada-yada. But I think inherent in all of us is some sense of needing to respect the dreams of our parents. And, I also believe that we all have an "unrequited lover" syndrome for something (or ... I guess for a lot of people ... it is a someone, if it is actually be an unrequited lover lol). For me, that's my totally-unused chemistry degree. Yup, I majored in chemistry and never-ever-ever-ever-ever did anything with it. And I'd always felt a little rotten about it. Pair that with my mom's insistence that I should get a super-super-super advanced degree in something because she fears that a bachelor's degree may not be enough in today's world. Well, I don't one-thousand-percent agree with you, Mom, but you've done your job in embedding that in my mind.
A toxic combination of those two factors and my -- being totally blunt and honest here -- dead-end job (Yup, I said it) led me back to a university campus. I didn't get into the schools I wanted to go to, either (my top choices were chosen primarily based on location). So I was going into an MBA program in a place I didn't want to be, and I had just gone through a breakup I didn't see coming (again, due to location)... clearly this is a recipe for disaster. So when I was admitted and matriculated, I actually really was not in the right mindset. Especially when orientation started and it was a week straight of people in their mid/late-20s goofing off ("forming a class bond" they say) and drinking excessively. I was that bitter, sober person lurking in the back of the classroom, wondering if I could get my deposit and tuition back if I maneuvered a way out of this damn commitment.
From day one, I decided I didn't want "the typical MBA experience" and this was fueled more by the circumstances of my start than anything else. I pored myself into finding alternative paths. At that time, I noted that what I had valued most of my undergrad experience was having a "liberal arts" all-encompassing education that was much wider than it was deep. I was determined, from the very start, to spend as little of my time in business school classrooms and as much of it as possible exploring other disciplines. I sat through a super difficult math class. Then a series of engineering modules last semester. They were really hard. After 5 years of nothing but excel spreadsheets, I didn't remember enough from my undergrad chemistry days to actually help me form a clear understanding of material balances. But I did it, and I'm actually very proud of myself for having done that. Academically, I have done well. Beyond just auditing these other departmental classes, I also kept up my business school class work ethic and got achievement awards. But, nearing the end of the MBA experience (and with all of the negativity that marked the beginning in the rear window), I now feel a bit remorseful that I've pushed away "the typical MBA experience," especially when I am scrolling through instagram and seeing all the traveling, networking and -- well, FUN -- that I missed out on by pushing this part of school away. It's not too late, though. I still have one more semester, and I can make it into whatever I want it to be. And I WILL make it into something that I will cherish and enjoy and deem worthy of the $200k+ 2 year cost (ouch.)
Writer?
Oh, another thing, I want to write a book. I LOVE reading fiction -- I always have. When I was younger, I used to write stories all the time on Word on my family's shared desktop computer that ran Windows 98 lol. It was super slow and clunky. It was a childhood dream of mine to publish one of these. It can still be my dream.
