Heels Hacks for my Sole Sistas | the Closing Belle

Blogtober 31, 2015: Professional Regrets

This entry is going to be about regrets during my career. I’m a little conflicted about this entry because it is the 15th and final entry for Blogtober 2015, and I feel bad about ending Blogtober on a bit of a sad note. On the other hand, I feel that it does service to the purpose behind this blog. Yes, partly this blog is meant to be fun and encouraging, and full of silly ponderings, like why is pee yellow and where can I find cheap tights? But it is also meant to be a very personal journal of a young urban professional who is figuring her life out. I think that it’s only fair to include the bad with the good.

I have been struggling quite a bit at work recently (more on that here). You may recall from my previous posts that I have really wanted to get into direct investing for the past 3-4 years … basically the entirety of my career. Recently, however, just as I got chances to work on directs, I have been messing up SO MUCH. I’m not saying that messing up is not allowed. Of course, it’s inevitable. I expected this – if everyone was perfect at direct investing then there’d be nothing to trade on – no alpha to be gained! But the emotional hit is pretty awful. I keep feeling that nothing in directs will ever make sense to me. I understand the technical of building a model but how do people manage to make and be comfortable with their assumptions?

My manager says that for him, the key is to read a lot – read 10K’s, read research reports, read anything and everything that has anything and everything to do with the company structure, the underlying assets, the market conditions, the business model. I’ve been trying to do that, and feeling increasingly overwhelmed. I have been staying up late, getting up early, just to stay afloat, fulfilling my current responsibilities while managing the learning curve for directs. Balancing a lot more new things means that at times, I’ve gotten tired … and sloppy. I just accidentally missed an earnings call.

Directs is not easy. The flow among financial statements, the iterative functions of debt, the effect of currency exchange rates on sales and costs  – none of those things are intuitive to me. Not to mention, the terms are hard to understand (Investopedia has been my best friend these past couple of weeks). Of course, I know that I just need to keep persevering, but during times like this, I can’t help but recount my regrets … so here goes:

I regret not getting an investment banking or consulting job right out of undergrad. Seriously, the decisions you make as a 22 year old have ramifications. Had I started out in a structured and huge organization with built-in training for spreadsheet or capital structure modeling, then this would all be second nature to me. I wouldn’t be a 27 year old trying to figure out the stuff that a 22 year old knows by heart, having been through a bank’s training program.

On a related note, I regret not getting better grades to set myself up to get a job at an investment bank or consultancy. I had some consulting offers, sure, but the bulk of the envied positions went to people with 3.8+ GPA’s. It doesn’t even seem fair. I was not busy drinking, I was not lazy, I did not overload on extracurriculars. In fact, I worked very, very hard, going to half a dozen office hours a week, forming study groups, and declining social activities. I just had a difficult major, which I stuck with because it challenged me and I liked that.

I regret not having gone back to school to change my career. I had a chance a couple of years ago, when I was transitioning out of my first job… but I wasn’t excited by the prospect of going back to school, so I decided not to. Had I gone back to school, I would be graduating in 6 months, probably going into a direct investing role, or a role that transitions into direct investing.

I regret not leveraging the reputational currency of my former employer more. Because direct investing was not something that was possible for me at my previous firm, I discounted its ability to get me on the direct investing path. I hugely regret that now, because I realize just how much other investors value its name brand. I wish I had used that to my advantage.

I regret not taking more risk. Whether that’s reaching out to more people to ask for help and mentorship, or taking liberties in generating analytics. I am doing that more now, but it’s a learning curve for me, since it is not something I’m used to.

Anyway, now that I have enumerated this regrets, I hope to move past them, and retain the lessons for my future success!

Xoxo, the closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 23: The Clothing Belle | Cheap Hose & Iron Toes: A History, Haul, and Review

I have iron toes.

I swear, my toenails can slice through anything. Many a pair of tights have bitten the dust. Accordingly, I am always on the hunt for cheap and/or durable hose. Black ones, matte, and no support please and thanks.

Last weekend up in Boston, I scored some pretty cheap hose at Primark. I basically pawed them off the shelf without thinking because $3.50 is a steal.

Primark: This store’s structure, to me, is super-strange. Despite being a chain clothing store with a focus on young women fast fashion, it is owned by the UK company AB Foods, which, as you may have guessed, sells foods.  So something like a Kroger’s is the holding company of something like an H&M. It didn’t intuitively make much sense to me at first. But I guess there must be synergies in distribution, and the different business models might create revenue stream diversification.

Hose: Tights and pantyhose (or just plain “hose”) are basically very long socks to go under dresses and skirts, for aesthetics as well as functionality. On the coldest of winter days in Boston, I’ve even worn tights under my pants #NewEnglandConfessions. Don’t lie, ladies, you have too!

History
How did it all start? Apparently, pantyhose are the consequence of women’s rising hemlines, beginning in the 1920s. Tights were a way to keep some leg coverage when skirt lengths grew shorter. The original hosiery were pretty similar in appearance to regular cotton stockings, and were made out of silk (wow, I bet, inflation adjusted, those didn’t go for $3.50).

In 1938, DuPont Chemicals revolutionized the world of hose by patenting the stretchy material Nylon (which I actually had a chance to synthesize in organic chemistry lab!) These were subsequently sewed onto undergarments to create a whole-leg article of clothing known as panti-legs, or later pantyhose. The concept was actually patented in 1956 by Ernest Rice, under title Combination Stockings and Panty”… and many legal disputes around this patent existed for many years.

Textile manufacturing saw huge improvement in 1960s, bringing cheaper and more elastic/comfortable materials such as spandex, to the table, and pantyhose/tights became very popular. It stayed that way until the mid-90s when women began to opt for bare legs in fashion and work attire. And now, it is really a mixed bag … some people wear ‘em and love ‘em. Some people detest and decline.


A Small Haul
I got a pair of the “TIGHTS2GO”, a pair of the “Super Silky Opaque Tights” and of course a three-pack of “Seamless Footies”.

#1: Atmosphere “TIGHTS2GO” Individually Wrapped Tights (15 Opacity)

This pair did not hold up as well as I expected. First of all, do not believe the words on the box – there was only one pair of tights in there … not two. How appropriate that they chose such thick lettering, because it was a BOLD FACE LIE. I nonetheless had high hopes for this singular pair of hose until I stuck my hand it it…

And the material felt extremely fragile – like paper.

When I put it on, it didn’t seem like the material spread that well. Some parts bunched up and appeared darker, while other parts spread very thin and appeared transparent.

And then, during the day, the most annoying thing of all happened… those little dark lines started appearing:

Nope, these simply will not do. They were inexpensive but disappointed.

#2: Atmosphere Super Silky Opaque Tights (50 Opacity) 

These felt much more durable, and the material “gave” more when I put pressure on it.

The only complaint that I really have is that the material is “shiny” and there were a few areas where I felt the weaving was not that consistent.

But unlike the other pair, it actually felt nice and durable. And it also didn’t promise two pairs to only deliver one. I can see myself wearing this a second time.

#3: Seamless Footies with Cushioned Sole

These are basically a glorified short sock to be worn with flats, loafers, boat shoes, or any other foot vessels that don’t cover all footage up to ankle. I’m obsessed with them. These are pretty nice. They stayed on my foot and were low enough that you can’t see them with my shoes on.

The cushion doesn’t actually do much, to be honest, and was a little annoying to get used to. Another complaint that I have is that there were so many loose threads, even before I opened the package.

While the lacy pattern is cute, I am concerned that they’ll be completely destroyed in the wash. Oh well, for $3.50 you can’t expect the world!

Overall thoughts: I probably won’t be repurchasing #1 and #2, but #3 continues to hold up and looks promising. 

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 21: Dealing with Setback at Work

432 Park view from street level (iPhone with filter)

Recently, I have been struggling a little bit at work. I have struggled to keep up with deadlines (Fall is the busiest season for us), and, partly due to insufficient time, really messed up a valuation model for a direct position. What is most disappointing about this is that my manager had faith in me and tried to help me out by finding opportunities for me to work on directs. The model I built was simplistic. I really feared taking too much risk, so I kept the “industry average” for all the assumptions. But you know what they say – Garbage In, Garbage Out.

This isn’t the first time I have felt swamped or like I have disappointed with delivery at work. But it was the first time that I felt my manager’s faith in me was shaken. This is the first time my boss has ask, “Is direct valuation what you really want to do?”

YES. Yes, it is.

                                                                                                                                                     

This was not a perfect valuation model. But I do know that this is the most imperfect valuation model I will ever build again. I know I can become better than this. In my short career, I have learned that I can surprise people – and even myself – with how much I can learn and how far I can go.

I thought this would be a good time to talk about the do’s and don’ts I’ve learned to embrace in terms of dealing with professional setback (… or any setback, really).

Do:

1. Reflect. Figure out what it is that you’re falling short on; for me, it’s doing the deeper research and questioning assumptions until I came up with an end product that I can be 100% sure of and behind which I can stand -- a valuation model where I can explain each and every assumption and methodology.
2. Plan. Make a plan to fix that mistake but also draw out “error-checking” future guidelines for yourself so that in the future you avoid that mistake. For me, it was as simple as writing down questions to ask myself: Where did that assumption come from? Why is this calculation done this way vs. a different way? Do you really believe company guidance and why?
3. Ask. After you mess something up in a profound way, it can be intimidating to go back to your manager and ask questions, but I promise you, he or she would much, much rather take the time to answer those questions now, in the eve of your big mess-up than have you repeat it later in the future. I used to be afraid to ask questions, thinking that they “made me look dumb.” It took me a long time to figure out that questions at work are more illustrative of your interest and diligence than of your ignorance. So don’t be afraid to ask for help, clarifications, guidelines, etc.  

Don’t:

1. Blame. Pointing fingers won’t get you anywhere. There were many times on my journey to direct investment when I thought of just saying “you know, I’ve never built a model before, so I don’t know this terminology.” But what is the point in doing that? I now try to catch myself when I feel tempted to say “But I’ve never…” with “What a great opportunity to show that I can…”
2. Find workarounds. Workarounds is a word that my boyfriend throws around to describe anything that is really a patch rather than a whole solution. For example, at my old job, in order to access our company network I had to use a special pin to remote into my desktop machine, but it always only shows half the screen. We found a “workaround” by tricking the laptop into thinking its screen is bigger than it actually is. But really, the problem should have been fixed from the company-end so that this does not keep happening to every single person who tries to remote in. Workarounds fix the problem temporarily, but it does not set up your situation for continued future success. Early in my career, I relied heavily on workarounds but it’s always come to bite me in the butt because the same errors show up again and again.
3. Give up. Don’t ever, ever give up.

xoxo, the closing belle


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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 18, 2015: First Flakes, Faneuil and Farewell to Fenway

As I’m writing this, we’re passing the Prudential Center and Hancock Tower. In a couple minutes, we’ll be bidding adieu to Fenway Park to the left. I’m on a megabus back to New York City after a weekend in Boston. This was my first time back in 2-3 months, and so much has changed already.

1. The Millennial Tower, which was an inconvenient – and seemingly perpetual -- ditch in the middle of Downtown Crossing when I lived in Back Bay, is now nearly complete. (My boyfriend jokes that it’s called the Millennial Tower, because it took an entire millennium to build.)
2. Where the gutted building that formerly known as Filenes Basement once sat, there is an enormous Primark store, a behemoth of four stories. I wonder what this means for the H&M at DTX.  
3. There is active construction in front of the Prudential Center (aka “the Pru,” or for the intoxicated speech-slurring college students of the area, “the Peru”). It’s supposed to be new office/retail space, which makes me *wicked* sad, because I liked the openness of the area around the Pru.

Anyway, I was in a really sour mood today. Something came up at home, and I had to be home earlier than my reserved 5pm ticket would allow. So we made plans to catch the 3pm bus, which would arrive in New York at around 8pm.

We went to the megabus counter to pay the change to the 3pm, but as the tickets were sold out, we had to wait until all the reserved seats for the bus were accounted for before we could change tickets. There were already 3 other people waiting, and they all gestured for us to go ahead to the counter. But when we arrived the lady was quite abrupt, “Don’t you see all these people are waiting ahead of you?” I apologized and let her know that we would wait until all the reserved patrons boarded before changing tickets. After 3pm, and after the 3 people originally ahead of us got on the bus, I went up to the counter again to try to change the ticket, but the lady at the counter allowed three additional people who arrived after us get on the bus. When I asked whether we could board the bus, she said, “Sorry you’ll have to wait for the 4pm.” Then I reminded her that I was ahead of the three people she just let on the 3pm bus, and she demanded, in a rising voice, “Did I even talk to you before?” Which really infuriated me, because I know she remembered me. I had a neon pink shirt on and was sitting near the counter the whole time.

I am embarrassed to admit that I definitely cried a little bit, primarily because I was so upset by the inefficiency of the system and by not being able to get on an earlier bus despite making such a big effort to arrive at South Station ahead of schedule. I informed my boyfriend that we had the choice of either waiting 1 hour and paying up for the 4pm bus or just staying til 5pm for my original ticket.

The latter turned out to be a perfect thing to do. We walked to Faneuil Hall to get hot chocolate. There, we saw carolers and street performers, and had the chance to visit some of our old hangouts. On our way back to South Station, we passed by Dewey Square, the site of the #OccupyBoston movement where we first met (to be clear, we weren’t Occupiers – just coworkers in an office that overlooked the Occupy site). Most magically, though… we saw the first snowflakes of the season! (Now, were this New York, I might suspect that the tiny white drifts were morsels of garbage… but this is Boston so I trust that it is actually snow.)

I guess good things come to those who wait – even if they are forced to wait due to an unjust transportation boarding system!

xoxo, the closing belle


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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 16, 2015: Belle Tells | Hallmarks of a great boss

Today is National Boss’ Day.

… Say what?

Yes, that was my reaction this morning, too, when I heard it on the radio during my (increasingly cold) drive to the bus to NYC. I decided to put my WikiPhD education to good use. I discovered that National Boss’ Day is celebrated in the United States (Go Corporate ‘Murica!), Canada, and … Lithuania! It seems a rather random collection of countries but hey, I’ll take it. Wikipedia has never failed me before. In Peers We Trust.

I see lists all over the webs, but over the years I’ve developed my own views on what makes a good manager. I am blessed with a great boss, so in celebration of National Boss’ Day, here is my personal list.

Hallmarks of a great boss:

1. Gives assignments in context. I don’t know how many times in my first job when I had no idea why I was assigned to do something. I spent a lot of time being very confused :P In a larger, hierarchical organization, I think this risk is fairly prevalent. And for someone who had just graduated college, it can be difficult to infer what the purpose of an assignment is. In retrospect, I wish that I had asked more questions of that nature. Now that I have worked under someone who frames my projects with a larger picture, it’s hard for me to understand why I never expected or asked for this before in prior jobs.

2. Answers questions. Of course, to some extent, all managers who want your project to succeed will be open to answering questions that help you get the task done. But some managers can make it intimidating, for example by making you feel like what you’re asking is too basic. My manager, however, is totally open to questions and answers them without judgment, which has made it easy for me to ask higher level questions, which in turn has made me a better worker.

3. Makes you feel important/recognizes your contributions. My boss makes me look good to other managers at the firm. Even when he’s speaking to really important people, if he is referencing something that I’ve spent time developing, he attributes it to me. This has made me feel like an important contributor to the firm’s success, which makes me feel more responsible for my work and do a better job.

4. Gives you projects that develop your career. My boss could have easily given me menial tasks, and saved the interesting ones for more senior analysts who can complete it in less time. But he has been great about giving me chances to work on higher value-add projects. They have helped me become a more confident decision maker and risk taker. I think that in many ways, my decision to put myself on the Internet with my vlog channel was driven by the confidence and risk appetite I gained working for my current boss. 

5. Mentors. We don’t have a formal mentoring program at my company but my boss has done an amazing job being both a manager and a mentor. I believe that the difference is, a manager tells you things to make the company stronger – delegating tasks, training, etc., whereas a mentor tells you things to make you stronger. 

6. Has faith in you. A great boss will keep giving you projects and responsibilities even when you make a ton of mistakes. I have definitely made a ton of mistakes! But for every new project, I definitely make fewer than the project before!

Happy weekend, everyone!

xoxo,
the closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 14, 2015: Instant gratification in digital content

New Jersey public schools now require some sort of financial literacy course for all students. I remember taking a version of that – the basic message is: don’t borrow to excess or you’ll find yourself mired in debt. Seems reasonable enough. Another message is, you will want bigger, better things in the future such as a house or car, so save now and enjoy later. Got it: choose delayed over instant gratification.
   
But it seems on social media and digital platforms like YouTube, it’s all about the instant gratification. These are some examples and why they’ll only hurt you in the long run – like uncontrollable credit card debt.

1. Click baiting. This describes the phenomenon of a YouTuber putting up a video with a provocative title or thumbnail to get viewers to click on it. Views are a major performance metric on YouTube, with two major versions. The “video view” describes the number of times that someone has clicked to watch a particular video, whereas the “lifetime view” describes the cumulative number of watches that all videos on your channel have garnered. While click baiting may increase a content creator’s video views for a particular video, that creator’s subscribers will soon catch on to the trick and lose some trust in the channel, which will cause them to watch fewer future videos. In this way, the creator is sacrificing lifetime cumulative views for an instant high video view count.

2. Sponsorship craze.  In the beauty and lifestyle category, content creators are paid in a few different ways – video views and YouTube advertisement overlay clicks, offline revenues like attending meet-ups, and sponsorships or partnerships by companies. The latter is a very direct sort of advertisement – the content creator is making a video to endorse a particular product or service and putting his or her name behind its efficacy, enjoyability or superiority over a competing item. Two years ago, Tom Ford had a huge ad campaign with many of the YouTubers I watched, and each YouTuber somehow incorporated the use of Tom Ford products – whether in Day-in-the-Life vlogs, monthly favorites, or “Day/Night Routines.” And just as soon as the Tom Ford craze started on YouTube it soon ended. Suddenly, the beauty gurus were going back to their tried-and-true facial and skincare products. Of course, I’m sure their campaign was successful in causing some followers to buy Tom Ford products. But in the same vein, I feel hesitant to continue to watch other content by those creators who only seemed to use Tom Ford products during this promotional period and never thereafter. I’ve found that some smaller beauty and lifestyle content creators on YouTube seem to be producing just sponsored videos. While this is quick money in the short run, I think that it will only hurt them in the long run, because they lose the subscriber’s trust in their honest opinions. It soon seems that they’re willing to talk up any product if the company is willing to pay them. While it is understandable that sponsorships are a major source of revenues for YouTubers, they are also not a free lunch. Your good name and credibility is at risk.

I hope that these are things I will remember if I ever become a more successful YouTuber or blogger.

xoxo,
the closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 12, 2015: Exposing my "secret life"

Hardly anyone in my real life knows about my blog and vlog channel (youtube.com/theclosingbelle) but it is such a big part of my extra-professional life – almost every night I fall asleep to YouTube videos – that it feels really weird not being able to talk about it.

So I did something today that would have been unthinkable to a younger, more skeptical me: I not only told my coworkers about my blog and vlog channel, I gave a whole presentation on it!

My presentation was mostly focused on the business side of being a blogger/vlogger, rather than my actual personal channel and experience. They did ask about my channel’s analytics and one co-worker said, “I bet we can find it in minutes if we wanted to.” I don’t doubt that they can… And, co-workers, if you have found it, congratulations  I am happy to work with such savvy Googlers.

I was so surprised by how engaged my office was – they asked a lot of questions and expressed genuine interest. And this makes me feel so regretful that I’d never talked about “my secret life” before. Far from being judgmental or condescending of my non-traditional hobby, they all seemed fairly supportive. Yay!

Big lesson of the day is: be proud of what you do. If it is interesting to you, no matter how contrasting it seems to what you do in your professional life, definitely share it. I think the folks I work with know me well enough to know that off-hours, I’m not reading War and Peace or directing a mariachi band. But now they know what I actually fill my personal hours with – and I’m glad about it.

Xoxo,
The closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 9, 2015: Moving . . .

I’m afraid that it is that dreaded time for me. And by I’m afraid, I mean, my wallet’s afraid, my calendar’s afraid, and my sanity is very, VERY afraid.

Y’all know what I’m talking about: New York City apartment hunting.

Hurricane Joaquin brought the first week of cold weather for the year, harbinger of the possible perils of living in New Jersey while working in New York. Nostril hairs freezing when you leave your house at 5:30amm for your 2 hour+ commute. Mittened fingers burning in frosty pain as you try to scrape the ice off your windshield in the limited daylight of the buttcrack of dawn for the drive to the bus/train station. Legs turning numb at the bus stop/train platform where you wait endlessly for winter-condition traffic delays. Shoulders aching from the weight of your bag as you shuffle at snail pace among other bulky winter commuters transferring at Penn Station or Port Authority …

Can’t have that. So NOW is the time to get my butt over to the other side of the Hudson. As you all know, my New York City apartment lease ended a couple of months ago, and in light of some uncertainties (A $500 rent increase? Our fake wall comprising ½ of my bedroom enclosure being deemed “not up to code” and must be removed? My fake-wall sharing roommate’s snoring boyfriend is moving in?), I decided to forego the risks of another 2-year commitment, and instead moved to New Jersey on a temporary basis while I look…

Here’s the thing, though. I haven’t looked.

It’s been so comfortable living in Jersey. I have a car, and everything is just a short drive away (though, you do have to put up with Jersey drivers… everything has trade offs). I have plenty of space here. My own bathroom. Zero live-in boyfriend drama.

But alas, it is time. Speed Roommating event next week...Wish me luck!

xoxo
the closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 8, 2015: Speeder vs. Speeder (Fears)

Last night, when I was running on the treadmill in the basement, I saw a gigantic eight-legged fiend, scurrying along the wall to my right, and then settling down 6 inches from my arm.

I managed to stifle a rising scream. But that didn’t stop my spine from feeling like it's been doused in ice. Or my heart from jumping into my throat. Or my legs from turning gelatinous and quaky like they’re going to collapse.

I know I’m not alone in the world for my immense fear of spiders. Ron Weasley is a fellow arachniphobe. And this whole summer, my brother has been “at war with the speeders” (so called by him for their Olympic leg activity) as a result of the hole in his window screen that presented an entrance for these unwelcome visitors. There have been many a day when I found him standing on a chair, beating at the ground with a broom, warning me that another speeder is on the loose and advising that I, too, quickly find higher ground. (Isn’t it funny that when we’re terrified, we fail to consider things like the fact that spiders can crawl up just as easily as they can along the floor?)

My story gets worse, though. As I had only half a mile left in my work out, I decided to power through it, arachnid be damned. So I turned my focus back to the treadmill progress display and willed my eyeballs to stay away from the vicinity of the side wall near my arm.

It felt like the longest half mile in the world but I finished.

I victoriously looked back at where the spider sat, and HOLY SHIH-TZU ITS GONE.
   
This time, I couldn’t help it. I let out a blood curdling 100-decibeler that without a doubt woke the neighbors.

Suddenly it felt like every single part of my body was crawly. My legs, arms, neck, even hair. I started jumping around hitting myself in the head, convinced that the speeder found the opportunity to relocate there while I was speeding along on the treadmill. I must have looked ridiculous.

Theory has it: We’re terrified of things like spiders because they possess some of the “fear factors” that our primate ancestors evolved. These innate fears were developed to quickly identify potential dangers. Historically, our predecessors learned that hairy things and leggy things are dangerous and need to be avoided. So to this day, we have a built-in negative response to those factors. And spiders happen to have a lot of both (1) hairiness and (2) leggy-ness. 

I am facing something of a parallel in my working life. I have opportunities to work on direct valuations but I am so afraid of pursuing them. I think internally, I am afraid of failing. During my performance review, when I wanted to indicate my interest in direct investments, I nested it into a section on organizational changes (“Maybe there can be chances in the company for people who work on funds to also help out on a limited basis with direct investments?”) rather than directly coming out and saying, “I want to do work on direct investments.”  Maybe because I’d been told early in my career that I don’t have the skills to do them – that I would inevitably fail. So I’d always labeled it as “AVOID” like our early ancestors have done with traits like hairiness and leggy-ness.

But I am working on it. I’m not going to let a few words from when I was 23 dictate what I do and don’t try in my career, and I am most certainly not going to let a couple of spiders scare me out of working out in the basement.

xoxo,
the closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 6, 2015: "Writing" my Wrongs

To be frank with you guys, I did not feel like blogging today. 

If you've seen my New YouTuber tag (not going to bother to link and plug my channel today since just really not in the markety mood), you'll know I consider myself to be someone with thick skin. Things don't bother me. If I mess something up, then I get over it quickly and fix it immediately. Done. 

But today I completely failed at something I've dedicated full steam to for over a year, and for the first time in the longest time, I bawled my eyes out. It is doubly upsetting because I feel that I have no TIME for this. I have so much going on this week and next. So many people relying on me for my contributions to things. So many deadlines looming. I. Have. No. Time. To. Grieve. And it feels ... crushing. 

I find myself turning to words for comfort (and hope to publish it here on my public blog in due time). In the mean time, here is something I wrote 2 years ago on The Closing Belle when I was going through another hard time -- a dissolved friendship -- while also wrestling deadlines and a busy schedule (back then it was graduate school applications).  

"The Write Approach" (September 2014) 

I read somewhere … or maybe someone told me … that you’re more likely to do something if you write it down. My therapist told me to set aside “scheduled worry time” every day so that I can write down all the things I am worried about and then stew about them for some amount of time. Theoretically, knowing that I have a designated time to let my what-ifs run free would help me block out my worries when I need to (1) concentrate [e.g., when I am at work and my inner omg-omg-omg is keeping me from getting stuff done], or (2) relax [e.g., when my racing thoughts are making shut-eye nearly impossible]. So, really, according to that unidentified/unidentifiable source, and my head-shrink’s hundreds-dollar-per hour voice of reason, I should be writing in this thing more. This post will be kind of a mix of both – an impetus to get something done, and a scheduled worry time (my first scheduled worry time was 2 days ago, and I only had my phone, so I pretty much just opened a new text message and wrote down “omg what is going on/why?”) 

Today I feel like there is no way I can get done what I want to get done in the next 2 weeks. In college, when that happened, it was called everyday life. And I dealt with it with an impressive level of stoic consistency. But now, I am pretty helpless… and not sure how I regressed so much from when I was 19?! I’m not even talking about work – thankfully there’s not much going on there. It’s (1)the GMAT [11 days], (2) the Wharton interview [7 days], and (3)some emotional stuff that I’m not really ready to deal with yet but have to [moment of truth in 9 days but since we’re on the honest boat, I actually think about it quite more than I want to currently, haven’t stopped thinking about it, and probably won’t stop thinking about it after the event of the 9 days, no joke. Thanks, Anxiety].     

Anyone who knows me well knows that I like to self-diagnose. Call me a hypochondriac, but I spend at least 3 or 4 solid sittings a week browsing WebMD. I’ve actually been pretty accurate (other than the time I self-diagnosed “runny nose” and refused to stay overnight at the hospital when I in fact had bacterial pneumonia and nearly died). Anyway, all of that was written for me to say that I am pretty sure I have some form of anxiety, because I spend 99% of my time basically thinking about a few things, over and over, to such an extent that I have difficulty getting anything done. My therapist refuses to say the A word, though, probably because if she does, I’ll get a prescription from an MD, and will no longer require her leg-and-an-arm priced services. 

Today, though, I only have time to partially tackle one. And I choose GMAT, because it’s the one I have most control over. OK, what am I going to do about my 70^th percentile math score… and how am I going to do it in fewer than 11 days? I bought the Manhattan GMAT Advanced Quant book from Barnes and Noble on Friday, on the recommendation of just about every other MBA blogs out there. So far, I’ve been impressed by the material level. Over the weekend, I plowed through most of the book, leaving just one chapter, with its associated problems and the bank of additional problems in the back of the book (there are 15 “workout sets” in the back, and 25 bonus questions on the Manhattan GMAT website). 

I’m absolutely going to finish that final chapter today, and make as big of a dent in the workout sets as I can. I have social obligations every single night for the rest of this week (!!! how does this even happen?), so I know I have to really concentrate today, to maximize what I can finish. But beyond just factual knowledge and problem-tackling techniques, Manhattan GMAT has also given some good advice on reviewing your work and being honest and critical with yourself in terms of your approach. So I’m going to start doing that in the workout sets – honing my approach and minimizing the number of steps I take with each particular “type” of question to improve my time management.
Well, wish me luck, interwebs. 

Surprisingly, reading this piece,  from my 24-year-old self ("Today, though, I only have time to partially tackle one") rings so true today. I might take my own advice and take it one problem at a time :)

xoxo,
the closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 5, 2015: Humans are feeble & other lessons from the Monkey Haus

My mom is allergic to anything with hair… or saliva … or pollen. So of course, having a mammalian housepet (or blooming plant) was out of the question. But that didn’t stop my parents from giving us a fur-filled childhood.

It started when I was 6 or so. On every reasonably weathered Saturday, my dad would pack us up in our minivan -- camera, carrot sticks and juice boxes in tow -- to spend a day at the library and zoo.

I loved those Saturdays.

Then, one day, we discovered the Bronx Zoo, a worthwhile 2.5 hour drive from our house in New Jersey. Even Momma would come with us, albeit with three years’ supply of Benadryl in her purse.

We loved watching the peacocks flaunt their plumes, hearing the strange calls of the colorful exotic birds, and petting the billy goats and sheep, their velvety noses nudging our palms for food crumbs. But our favorite had to be the monkey house. Even Momma, red-eyed and stuffy-nosed, would be excited for the monkey house.

To us, it was so strange and comforting that monkeys acted so similarly to people. These are the lessons that I learned from observing them:

1. Love is universal. The way that monkeys pick their young for fleas is so tender that I truly believe other animals feel love the way we do.
2. The joy of learning and need for simulation are also universal. If you’ve ever seen a capuchin approach a new toy, I think you’d agree.  
3. We’re so feeble. Young humans are relatively helpless and fragile compared to monkey babies who can cling onto their mothers as they hop from branch to branch.

That last point really stuck in my mind. For years thereafter, I found evidence of this. Baby horses walk within minutes of being born. But a newborn human is (distance) blind, (mostly) bald, and unable to even hold up his own head.

I would learn later in an earth sciences class in college that this helplessness of human babies is related to our relative intelligence as beings. Some years ago, the climate changes in the African continent caused a recession of forestation, forcing some apes to adapt to living on flat lands. As our species predecessors left the trees to become plains-based primates, it became less critical for babies to be able to hang on tightly. Because of this, they were able to get away with more “wobbly” necks. This allowed their head size to become much larger compared to their body size, which ultimately allowed human intelligence to develop to today’s extent.

Man, am I itching to go back to the Bronx Zoo now that I’m back in the metro area!  Think Momma would go with me if I buy the entirety of CVS’s Claritin supply?

xoxo,
the closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 4, 2015: Belle Tells | College Classes for a Finance Career

Hey guys!

For Blogtober Day 4, I'm vlogging about what you should study in college for a career in finance! Hope you enjoy!



If you missed my first Belle Tells: Finding your first post college job, you can go click on THIS LINK to view it.

xoxo, the closing belle


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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

Blogtober 2, 2015: Why is pee yellow?

My high school cross country coach always told us, if we were drinking enough water, our pee should be colorless.

Hmm.

This might be *TMI* but mine has always been a medium yellow. But I never gave it much thought until yesterday...

My mom has been scolding me about not going to the doctor, so two weeks ago, I finally acquiesced to getting my first annual physical check-up in... 5(?!) years. Frankly, I was not too excited for this because I eat horribly and I know it. Plus, I never go outside. Consequently, the last time I was at the doctor (half a decade ago), my lipids were through the roof and my vitamin D ... well, what Vitamin D?

So I fasted and then I went to get prodded and poked. They took my blood and urine. And gave me an electrocardiogram (Is this standard now?! Have I really been avoiding the whitecoats so long that EKG's are now part of check-ups?)

My heart seemed fine, since they whisked the readout away and never mentioned it to me again. (Dude, why do they always do this with medical results? It's my beats-per-minute ... or whatever the EKG measures ... Don't I deserve to know?)

But then, yesterday, my lab work came back...

And my blood urea nitrogen to creatine ratio was really elevated, several standard deviations above the normal range. UH-OH.

Of course, I immediately consulted my handy-dandy WebMD app. Yes, I know you're not supposed to do that and WebMD is like the leading cause of insomnia but I couldn't stop myself.

My boyfriend is convinced that WebMD sorts their results from most-to-least fatal. He might be right. Because the first thing the symptom checker found for me was "Kidney Failure."

AHHH!

You know what my immediate thought was, though?

IS IT BECAUSE MY PEE IS TOO YELLOW?!  WAS COACH TAL RIGHT ALL THESE YEARS? AM I DYING?

It turns out, urine's color comes from "urochrome," or "urobilin," which is a product that results from the breakdown of heme. Structurally, urochrome is a tetrapyrrole, meaning it has four pyrrole rings. Heme is more familiar in the word hemoglobin," the oxygen-binding protein component of red blood cells. Of course, red blood cells get a lot of use and turns over pretty quickly. Did you know that RBC's, when matured, also do not have nuclei, like other mammalian cells? This is because years of evolution have streamlined it to have one function - a very important function - to carry hemoglobin so that it can deliver oxygen to all the other cells that require it. Red blood cells do not divide - they're made in bone marrow. And they live for about 150 days.

Kidneys are there to filter out waste products that occur in all the processes that keep you alive... like the production of new and destruction of old blood components. Which includes urochrome, or the waste product of hemoglobin.

And that's why pee is yellow.

I'm going to go back to the doctor to get this all straightened out, and will keep you all in the loop!

xoxo,
the closing belle

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BLOGTOBER: Blogging every other day in October!

BLOGTOBER 1, 2015: Honoring Commitments

Hi. My name is Shellz, I had Kentuckaaay Fried Chicken for dinner last night (#noregrets), and this is the first post of my first annual Blogtober.

YES! That's right, I'll be attempting to blog EVERY OTHER DAY in October ... I know that in the past I have been flaky with daily blogs. But this is the Oct. de Triumph, y'all (couldn't help myself with that one). I'm holding myself to it!

Today's topic (very topical to Blogtober) is Honoring Commitments.

The reason I feel that I can actually do Blogtober this year is that I have gotten much better at honoring commitments this year, starting with my New Year's Resolution, which was to give up "bad drinks" so that I can drink more water. If you still haven't had a chance to watch my "Giving up Soda and Alcohol" vlog, then please feel free to give this lovely link a click ;)

Not that I'm an expert by any means (because HELLO unused gym membership and expired groupons), but I think  I have made substantial progress in the past year. Here are some of the things I learned about holding promises to yourself and others:

1) Walk, don't run: Your parents' pool-side warnings are just as relevant for real life and keeping promises. In the past, I had a lot of difficulty maintaining a good presence in my extracurricular activites while attending school. I think the reason is because I wanted to be in at least two million of them. And also be on the executive board of at least one and a half million of them. But that just doesn't work out, with there being just 24 hours a day and all. So now I try to make fewer goals but hold myself to each of them a lot more. I've found it fulfilling to to excel at 3 goals rather than just barely meet 10 of them.

2) Teamwork goes a long way: I think this holds for group goals as well as personal goals.The more obvious example is group goals. Here, you have to work with people who are just as committed to the project as you are. I'm grateful that the environmental group I volunteer my time with is super-super committed to the sustainability of my town. It makes it much easier to motivate yourself to keep doing good work when others around you are also putting in their best efforts. The second way that teamwork helps is if you surround yourself with supporters. Luckily for me this year, my best friend has also become a blogger/vlogger. And when my videos aren't up in time, she definitely shoots me texts about getting myself together (and of course, I do my best to annoy her about getting her posts up too). Thanks, A!

3) Give yourself "outs": I've always found it hard to give something up cold turkey, so I like to give myself an "out." One example is giving up soda and alcohol for 2015, which has made it difficult for me to go out with friends and certain work events where there is an open bar and everyone has a drink. So I told myself that if I do find myself in a social situation where everyone has a drink, I could get a gingerale. For some reason I've always thought of gingerale as the least egregious of all carbonated drinks, but it's probably not? But so far this year I've probably only had gingerale like 5 times this year, which is much better than 2014 when I had 3 coke's by 3pm!

xoxo,
the closing belle

On high school memories and marinating in your own sweat

I know that my past couple of blog posts have been pretty heavy stuff. So think of this post as a comic relief of sorts. I really want to get this down before I forget it! 

One of the things I've been trying to do a little bit more (as I kind of eluded to in my previous post) is spend quality time with my family. Last night, my bro and I were hanging out and just chitchatting about our high school.

I had forgotten all about high school phys. ed. until yesterday and now I'm really disturbed by what I remember: principally, the fact that we had one change of clothes in our gym lockers and no time to shower. Starting in 8th grade, we were required to change clothes for gym -- I guess that is the magical age at which you start stinking after working out :) They were pretty strict about it. It's an automatic F for the day if you don't look like you've changed (although, I would argue that it's pretty hard to tell if you wear a t shirt and sweat pants to school ... which is basically what we always wore to school). Because of this, we were terrified of ever NOT having clothes in our gym locker. So we never took it out of our gym locker. At least in the girls' locker room. I guess I can't really speak for the boys. 

But I actually think this is way worse than just letting us do phys ed class in our regular clothes, because we'd literally have the same gym clothes in our gym locker for one marking period at a time. That, ladies and gents, is 9 weeks. Ew.

So this is what happens: you bring a set of gym clothes on your first day of gym for the quarter. You wear and sweat profusely in them for 42 minutes a day (if I remember correctly) and then you throw the still-damp set back into your locker, and lock it up where it will not ventilate. And change into your CLEAN clothes without showering. And head off to your next class as quickly as possible so you don't get slapped with a detention. Rinse (NOT!), repeat.

You're basically marinating in your own sweat for 9 weeks at a time!

Business School: "Strictly Business"?

Is business school strictly business?

* * *

As a blogger, I really should take more time to self-reflect. Don't get me wrong, I do reflect... I reflect so intensely it keeps me up at night sometimes. I reflect on events, projects, people. But... on the topic of who I am as a person -  on my twenty six years - I must admit that I have not reflected too much.

Ironically, this whole impending business school thing - researching and telling my story, has caused me to reflect way more than anything else ever has. My professional goals -- well, I've always known those. As much as I've repressed them in my past 4 years, I have always known, all along, EXACTLY what I wanted to do.

But what I want to achieve personally ... I didn't really realize until I had to ask myself that critical question when considering applications to business school. I was forced to because that's a pretty major underlying theme of many of the essay questions I've seen.

These are the things that I want to maintain and improve, with or without an MBA. But ultimately, I think these are things that an MBA can help me attain.

* * *

Family time
For me, spending quality time with my family is about forming happy memories, learning together, and enjoying the people tied to me (by choice or not). I think an MBA could help me be a better family person.

How the heck, you might ask, would a program geared toward advancing your career by making you a more valued firm contributor (and probably hiking up your hours as a result) make you a better family person?

But I think about it in two ways. I'll start with the less cheesy one.

(1) That which makes you a good manager can also make you a good family member. In learning to manage projects, you gain proficiency in many things, one being juggling time and priorities. In other words, picking your battles. As a kid, I had a lot of trouble doing this and ended up being mad at someone for long stretches of time. As I've gotten older, I realize that our parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, are only getting older. You only have them for a set amount of time and the time you spend being angry only detracts from that. I've gotten a bit better at conflict resolution, but I still sometimes struggle with seeing from others' perspectives. A lot of MBA programs force you to work with groups - which is totally great for learning to gain perspectives. 

(2) You can think of your work team as a family (If you're still reading you're probably either nodding vigorously, shaking your head with repulsion, or vomiting.) In many ways the people you work with come to understand you to a much deeper level in some respects than many of your friends or people you choose to see outside of work. For me, that means showing my most vulnerable side - the person who makes mistakes (tons of mistakes!), the person who faces difficult choices, the person who is all in, cards on the table, for the dreams that matter most to her.

Intellectual fulfillment
I think that if we did not have someone to argue with, life would be so, so boring. Think about the last time you were in the middle of a back-and-forth (a nonviolent one, that is) with someone you respect. Didn't feel good to stand up for your points and also to consider how to counter your opponent's points?

That is definitely one of the things I love about working in finance. No one can see the future -- so we're all just giving our own views, fed by analysis, personal experiences and differentiated opinions.

An MBA would definitely provide an avenue to talk about things I care about among respected classmates who may have different views. It will also give you a network of intelligent people that you can turn to later in life for these debates, e.g., when you need someone as a sounding board if you're starting your own business.


A final product
In other words, narcissism. Seeing my stuff on the shelves is so, so important to me. I've phrased this as "tangibility" in my application, but let's be real, it's just a detached form of narcissism ;)

When I worked in R&D, I really loved seeing my brand at stores and to this day, almost always purchase products of the brands under my former company. There is just something wonderful with being able to connect with something touchable after spending 8 hours a day working on it.

Of course, this is also something I look for in finance jobs, which is what I do now. Whenever anything I work on has an impact, not just on my firm but on the companies we invest in or the people in the communities affected by that company, asset, or good, that just really makes me feel wonderful.

An MBA would really help me make more of those impact choices. 

* * *

No, business school in all aspects - its course material, its fit into a professional's life, and my impetuses for applying - is anything BUT strictly business.

xoxo,
the closing belle

Business school & my biggest secret

It has been awhile since I posted here, and I'm very sorry for that. I know every time I take a couple of weeks from blogging, I chalk it up to how busy I am at work, blah blah blah. But this time, I've been dealing with kind of a mental/sentimental busy. And it's been interfering a little bit with my sleep.


So, BUSINESS SCHOOL. Let's talk about that today.

I love my job as an investment analyst, my respectful, kind, amazing company, and my potential career path from where I am. Yes, I have been incredibly happy for the past year and half that I've lived and worked in New York City, and that's why I have been constantly feeling terrifically guilty for logging onto GMATClub every once in awhile to see what the current MBA applicant pool is like.

But recently I realized I really need to stop feeling guilty. Because, well, just because you're happy it doesn't mean you have to be stagnant. There is a world of things that I still have to learn. Not gonna lie, taking 2 years off to explore the world and to learn about all things business really kind of, um, appeals to me. And also, well, the BIGGEST reason is that there's been something I have wanted to do for a long time now, and business school seems like the highest probability shot of getting there. 

I have spent a lot of commutes over the past few months stewing over this. Do you remember my blog post a few months ago about my mid year review with my manager and realizing I needed to start taking more risks? (HERE). That kind of started it all. And after running that through my head over and over for two months, I am finally ready to be really honest with myself and you guys, here goes:

I spent almost my entire life as an analyst supporting investments in funds when I've secretly wanted so, so much to be supporting direct investments.

There, I said it. My deepest, darkest secret. To the Internetz.

So you might be thinking, well, if you want to do directs so badly, why don't you just go do it? Go join a firm that does directs and work there.

... It's not that easy. They won't want me. And why won't they want me? Because I have never worked on directs before, never built a financial model in 2 hours, never met with management teams or been involved in a corporate transaction. The role "investment analyst" is quite misleading. When I took my first job, effectively locking myself into funds and allocations, I had no idea how big the world of difference is between investing in funds and investing in companies.

In particular, I've been really interested in how companies make direct investments (rather than hedge funds, mutual funds, banks, etc.). I follow pharma and biotech for my personal account, and I've been able to see some really cool corporate venture deals. In pharma/biotech, the small guys are lacking in capital ... and the big guys are lacking in risk. It makes so much sense for a company like GlaxoSmithKline to pour some funds into a small start up.

Business school opens up opportunities like that. Alternatively, if I wanted to do more directs at my current firm, I think I need the skills that business school would give me in order to be successful. Because guys, to be 100% honest I have tried to build models a lot. Spent a lot of evenings and my personal time pouring over 10K's, googling spreadsheet tricks. But at the end of the day what makes a model is knowing how a business makes money. And I struggle with that. I need to develop business instinct, something that B school is set up to deliver.

So yes, guys, I am going to apply to business school. I still need to work out some details, but just wanted to update y'all!

xoxo,
the closing belle

"Breakslow"

One thing I love about summer is waking up early. Since the sun is up so much earlier, I feel bad about staying asleep for long, so I just get up and get going. As a result, I've been getting into work pretty early - I get in any time between 7:15 and 7:45am. Most of the office doesn't start arriving until 9am or so.

At first this routine was a little lonely, but slowly I began to really enjoy that morning time by myself, when I can read the news (I even started a dedicated news search for our investments), catch up on e-mails (slowly swimming through my 3,507 unreads!), and get a head start on analytics before any distractions.

But as a result of getting up and in so early, I get hungry so much earlier in the day. Not only that but, if you read my last blog, you'll know that I gave up coffee, and the artificial "full" from coffee was really what sustained my breakfast free lifestyle. So with these changes, I have not been able to make it food-free until lunch like I used to.  And when I'm hungry, I can't work at all.

A new summer routine for me is: Breakfast! But, I like to call it "breakslow." Because I've been getting in so early, like hours and hours before any meetings, I've been able to take my time and enjoy my breakfast.

This has been my recent favorite:

• 6oz strawberry banana Chobani Greek yogurt
• 1 cup Kashi Go Lean Crunch 
• a drizzle of organic honey

I love it because it is absolutely delicious, but also incredibly filling and good for you. It's got 20g of protein (11g from yogurt, 9g from Kashi) and 8g of fiber (32% DV). The only downside is, I don't think it's that great for your teeth. The yogurt is acidic and the honey is sugary. The Kashi cereal is quite hard ("crunchy") so I'm sure that's not the best thing in the world for your gums.

Product Diary: Crest 3D Whitestrips (Part 1)

Dearest readers,

I may have just spent the best $40 of my life on a "beauty" product. 

Behold: a decade of coffee and soda stains vs. the bleaching power of peroxide.

Both photos are unfiltered, in natural daylight at midday.

Guys! I wanted to wait til the end of my full treatment before writing an in-depth review of the Crest 3D Whitestrips, but I just couldn't wait. The results were noticeable almost immediately and I just had to share!

As some of you may know, I decided to try using the Crest 3D Whitestrips to achieve a brighter, whiter smile, specifically the Crest 3D White Whitestrips Luxe Glamorous White (wow, how many times are they going to use the word "white"? LOL) shown below.

Here's the backstory.

If you've seen my "Giving up bad habits: Soda and Alcohol" video on YouTube (if not, check it out by clicking on the link), then you'll know that I'd been a soda guzzler practically all of my life, and more recently, an indulger of red wine. Well, in addition to those, I was also heavily addicted to coffee. I wanted needed it for the caffeine kick, because otherwise, good luck getting me out of bed, out the door and to work or class. But I also loved the taste. And justified it by telling myself, there's dairy in there, which is wonderful for me olde bones.

But as it turns out, a decade of coffee was not so wonderful for me olde ivories. And nothing made that more clear to me than starting my YouTube channel. Yes-siree, Bob, the camera don't lie.

I started paying more attention to the popular YouTubers' teeth - man, are they white! I'm sure the light quality, saturation, etc., all had something to do with it, but still! They're like chiclets!

Yes.

I also started noticing the whiteness of the teeth of some people I work with in real life. My boyfriend, by the way, has a gorgeous set of pearly whites himself, so when I look at photos of us together, I can't help but notice the contrast of my not-so-brilliant ones. I am not sure how I ended up surrounded by so many people with such beautiful teeth, but suffice it to say, I started feeling insecure about my own two rows of chompers. The more I looked at them, the more they looked like corn on the cob in comparison.

So I decided to take action.

I consulted my dentist first to make sure that my teeth were healthy enough for whitening. I actually first wanted to try Zoom! Whitening, about which I'd seen raving reviews on the Interwebs and in YouTube land. But my dentist actually recommended over-the-counter treatments and specifically mentioned Crest, citing lower levels of sensitivity.

As luck would have it, I stopped by Costco and Sam's Club on my way back from the dentist (ok, we will address my bulk grocery obsession in another post). Both had Crest Whitestrips! I don't remember which one I purchased my whitestrips from (will update you if I can find the receipt and figure out). But the one I bought was in Glamorous White and had 50% more strips than the version at drug stores. So instead of 28 strips (14 treatments), it came with 42 (21 treatments). At the time, I thought, Score! I'll definitely need the extra strips, because let's be real... I didn't think I could actually quit coffee after starting the whitening treatments, as good as my intentions were.

But now, I'm actually considering stopping my treatments early.  I'm 6 treatments in and loving the results so much. You can see in the above comparison photo - the difference is very stark. I think I'd be pretty happy with my teeth in their current shade. There are still some darker areas, so maybe I'll finish up the 14 day treatment.

But I've had a slight change of heart about wanting chiclets for teeth. And the sensitivity from using the peroxide is starting to drive me a little batty.

Anyway, here are some other changes I've made since starting the whitening treatment:

• Brushing with Sensodyne. My friends in college used to make fun of me for using Sensodyne, calling it my "old people toothpaste," but guys, honestly, that stuff is great! It dulls down my whitening sensitivity quite significantly. I even love the taste. 
• Giving up the Joe. Yes. I actually did it. There was no weaning, just cold turkey one Saturday morning. The next day (Sunday), I actually went into work, and boy was that hard. I had these horrible withdrawal headaches that threatened to burst open my skull every time I stood up quickly. I've skipped a few days (I didn't do consecutive whitening days), but didn't drink coffee even once. It is now Tuesday, and I'm happy to say my withdrawal headaches are gone.
• Water-you-drinking? (Yes, pun intended.) I've been drinking water so, so much. Particularly after eating or snacking. Good old New York City tap water. I've read that drinking water constantly can help wash away some of the dark pigments we consume so that they don't stain as much. I hope that's true!

Please stay posted for Part 2 of this product diary, which I will post either after another 5 or 6 days or finishing the 14 days.

xoxo,
the closing belle

By the way: I purchased all products mentioned myself and opinions are 100% my own. 

Belle Tells: Finding your 1st Job Post-College | Corporate Recruiting, N...

Hello wonderful readers:

Please check out my newest YouTube video on ways to find your first job out of college. I definitely wanted to share my experience and advice before those of you going back to college do so.

Also, please stay til the end for outtakes because bloopers are super! :)

Midtown Misadventures #2: Hugly Greetings

Awkward greetings are the hallmark of corporate amurrika. They are so embarrasing. And I definitely hoard embarrassing moments to replay torturously over and over in my head.

Ex-coworker (let's call him N) was in town.

Came into the office to say hi.

Approached my desk with right arm raised high, so I assumed this would be a hug (even though we'd worked together for all of 2 months and never hugged before) so I matched with an equally high left arm.

Only to see his swoop down into handshake formation.

I try to do the same.

Too late. 

OMG.

The situation had become too confusing at this point.

N tries to dispel the awkwardness: "You want a hug? I'll give you a hug"

Ok. I guess.

We try to maneuver the one-armed kind of hug that New Yorkers reserve for the type of acquaintanceship where you've worked on like half a project together but you don't know their middle name or their kids' ages.

But I ended up going with the wrong arm.

So while he hugged me with his right arm, I went with my right arm also.

Just imagine what that looks like.

Giving Up Bad Habits: Soda and Alcohol | the Closing Belle

Hey guys. About 6 months ago (on January 15), I decided to give up soda and alcohol.

I wanted to reflect on my choice and how it's been going. Please give this video a watch (and a thumbs up if you enjoyed it!) I would love it so much if you'd subscribe!

Stop living life hedged

I had my one-year performance review at work yesterday. It started out as a pretty standard review, but then my boss asked me about my greater career goals ... and somehow that set me off. I started taking bold tangents. I started psychoanalyzing myself. Holy cow, guys. I'm cray! That meeting, which was slotted to be a 15-30 min review of annual goals completion status, turned into an hour+ long digression. And I bet my manager spent the majority of the second half thinking, "I didn't sign up to be her therapist." LOL, Sorry, B!

And then afterwards I had an emotional breakdown (Shel, what are you doing in life!!) followed by a revelation (Shel, you gotta start taking bold steps!)

OK OK, let me take a couple of steps back.

I am a very risk-averse person.

Here is a shameless silly selfie. Once upon a time back in junior high, I was a bold, bold blogger, with my page littered with selfies. Like, we're talking Kim-Kardashian-level selfie obsession (and I don't mean that in a bad way - I think Kim is absolutely gorgeous and may she be forever bestowed with endless selfie-opportunities!).

That was, until I started becoming more and more scared of taking risks. My senior year of high school, I decided I had to delete all my social media, especially after hearing horror stories of rescinded college admissions driven by incriminating FaceBook photos. For good measure, I also ended up applying to 20+ universities (...yes). Keep in mind that back in my day (and I'm feeling more and more like a dinosaur every time I say this), common app was still in its very nascent stages, so that meant literally 20+ separate applications. Which meant each one was very vanilla, with very bland, easily tweakable essays. I had one dream school in mind (and no, it's not Harvard LOL) and I think I had a pretty good shot. But I couldn't give my all because, well, I was spreading my time across 20 different applications. So I didn't get in.

In college, I spread myself thin taking classes in way too many disciplines and filling my extracurricular time with too many disparate activities. I wanted to double major - and also be premed - and also run 5 or 6 clubs - and also research - etc., etc., etc. This, obviously, was not great for my grade point average ... or sanity.

For my first job, I took what I perceived to be the "safest" entry-level job I could -- the most "generalist" one, despite being the lowest paying of all my offers by a pretty substantial spread. By a strange twist of luck, this actually turned out to be a pretty good decision. Because it got me to where I am today, working on investments and with some of the smartest people I could ever meet. BUT who's to say that I won't still have gotten here if I decided to go to a big consulting firm or direct investment fund?

The buck stops here. I won't live my life so hedged anymore. All my life, my fear of closing off possibilities (closing off college doors by not applying to a million, closing off career doors by taking too "specialized" of a job) has been at best, breakeven, and at worst, very limiting of my potential and achievements.

I have to be bold from now on. Aggressive. Vocal. Opinionated. Unhedged.

These were things that my manager (who is one of my greatest role models - someone I aspire to be in 5-10 years) have cited as things he wanted me to work on from a professional standpoint anyway. It would be the only way that I could rise to become a manager.

I had expected this.

What I didn't expect was the sudden connection I made between this feedback on my work and my own personal feedback on how I run my life. As, as I sat in his office, hearing his words and watching the hustle and bustle of Manhattan outside the window, it dawned on me that this meek, afraid, totally hedged, person who is afraid of making large investment recommendation or redemption decisions ... is the person I have been for over a decade, and the person that I no longer wanted to be.

No more hedging. There are some big career goals I want to reach. There are some big blogging, vlogging milestones I want to pass. And I'm going to go forward loudly and boldly to get what I want. Enveloping myself in the comfort of fall-back plans is no longer an option for me.